Greetings in the name of the Great Spirit Father who watches over and
us all but only if we give Him the opportunity to ... I am known as Adawehi, Andrea M. My heritage is Mexican, Aztec Indian, Popako and Italian what a combo you may say hey! Yes I am very hot tempered and must practice self control in many
different area's of life. Well come inside, sit around the campfire and relax as I
take you on a journey of the spirit, heart and mind.
I grew up not knowing my culture, background, identity or true ethnic heritage. Any person who goes through this will be and, most often than not, can be a danger to themselves and anyone in whom they come in contact with. Why you may ask? Because to put it simply. A person with no culture has no identity, thus no self worth or self esteem. Thus giving way to very negative vibrations that are unhealthily for the mind, body and spirit.
This is why so many people in America find it so difficult to deal with family issues, morals, and conduct. These people become fearful of themselves and being found out and exposed of what they lack in character. Thus alcoholism, drug addiction, and acts of crime and violence.
Where there is no culture, there is no peace, no harmony, no oneness with
creation and all that dwells within it. This is so sad but so true! How do I know this?
I lived it! I was a danger and menace to myself and all around me. I knew nothing of my Mexican, Indian half until I was 14 years of age. By this time I was already bad news with a Capital B. I tried to fit into this culture of which I knew nothing of and fell flat on my butt so to speak. I was already angry with the world and this God they spoke of. Yet and still, God never took his hand of protection, grace, and love from me!
I searched and wondered aimlessly like a lone wolf in search of a pack, in search of a home, in search of my identity. I had no interest in school what so ever, I had basically no friends at all because I wouldn't allow anyone to get too close to me. Fear, kept me locked inside my own self built prison.
I am very happy to say that I came out of this, went back to school and
got my GED,
then went on to College and some University (about two semesters). It wasnít of course until I went through many trials and tribulations. When anyone fights the laws of nature they will ultimately loose. Of course I had no idea what I was up against and fought like a raging bull with my own self. You see we do the most damage to self, more so than anyone else.
Talk about a LONG TIME HEALING! Gee wiz, I thought I would never be able
to stop crying once I started. I had become so bitter and hard that I couldn't
and dare not cry! Tears are a woman's most valuable healing tool. Tears to a
woman is like medicine to a sick person, and without it they will die. I was
slowly dieing inside and didn't even know it. This was the saddest of all.
I had to learn a very hard lesson, I had to learn to laugh at self, to cry with others, I had to learn how to feel! I was so closed up that I was turned off like a switch. I turned myself off to protect the sweet innocence of my brutal childhood.
There is hope after alcohol, people can and DO change. Although it takes a lot of hard work and not giving up on self, something I did very often. I had to learn to let some people in, that not everyone in this big vast world was out to get me or hurt me.
I had to learn how to take hold of a hand without biting it off. I had to
learn how to curb my vicious mouth. Because believe me I learned young how to
turn my words into arrows of pain and they struck home, and they struck home
For many years and still to this very day I have a very hard time with relationships. I can become very fearful of anyone coming too close. I have to pray on a daily bases and I need lots of time to meditate, because if I don't ALL HELL BREAKS OUT! So I am learning or should I say relearning valuable lessons on how to live life. Just as a wolf taken from the wild and abused for a long period of time will take a very long time to trust.
Iím finding out that with the help of the steps, prayer and a very compassionate sponsor I can stay sober. As long as I follow the suggestions of Alcoholics Anonymous. Whatever people within AA may say concerning their Christian beliefs I just replace their words with what I know in my heart and it fits like pieces in a puzzle. As long as I keep an opened mind, spirit and willingness to grow and learn then I am bending like the mighty Willow Tree.
Peace and Blessings of healings to one and all as we are all oneÖ
Respectfully Your Sister In Sobriety
Adawehi ~ Andrea M.Sept. 2004